Good Evening Dawnies,
For those who do not know, my acquaintances and friends are known as Dawnies. Of course the nick name is after the title of my book Palera Dawn. At dawn, there is peace for most of us. Some of us; however, are broken. We are not just broken sometimes, but most or all of the time. Its as being scribbled with the blackest of oil pastels and then balled up and thrown into the trash.
As I made known in my first blog post, “Welcome”, I suffer from clinical resistant depression which we will discuss at a later time. Depression has many subcategories and diagnosis, but it can go undiagnosed because many of us hide it or have no idea what it is.
I woke up this morning feeling like crap. I was mentally drained and scared. Walking to the bathroom was tough. Wanting to remain in the bed was all I could think of followed by being down on myself. It was a if a voice would not stop telling me how low and horrible I am. It would not go away for hours. I cried and cried and worried and worried. You may be thinking, what about your medication? Well, medication does not work very long on me so I continue to struggle and suffer. The thing is, for some people they have not seen a doctor nor therapist. It took me almost 20 years to see someone. At that point, I tried to take my own life and ended up a mental hospital. I do not want that for anyone.
Do not do as I did. Do not take years. Share your feelings with someone you trust. Today, I had to speak to my husband because I really struggled this morning. I will also have to share with my therapist and doctor. Please, please, please do the same. When you don’t share your feelings and keep them bottled up, you can end up with what is called concealed depression.
Some things you may notice about that person or yourself if suffering from concealed depression is that they can be very quiet, but emotions are very deep. Sometimes they express it in their talents (artwork, poetry, writings, etc.). First the works may be very dark, and then it is very light. It is as a switch turned off then on.
They seem to never find their purpose. One minute they feel they are called into one place in life and then they are not satisfied and move on to something new. For some people this could be relationships (family included), jobs, education, careers, hobbies, religions, etc.
Sometimes they silently cry for help. It may be in something in their eyes, speech, etc. Pay attention to your friends and family because they may be screaming out inside of their heads.
People with concealed depression live inside of their heads often thinking about their mortality. Is life worth living? They face death in their thoughts. It is not that they want to die, but they want the pain to end.
Their sleeping and eating habits can be extreme. Sometimes their sleep never ends. They are always tired. On the other hand, some of them do not sleep at all. They go and go and go and can be misdiagnosed with mania. Concealed depression sufferers may also over eat or under eat. They do not take very good care of their hygiene/homes.
You may also notice they have a hard time turning off their brains. They think about everything day in and day out. Forgetting hurt and pain is not in their nature. Connecting to the pain of others is easy for them. The pain of others often times makes the depressed person feel as if they are going through exactly what the other person is going through.
Finally, they often think of worst case scenarios. Now, we all do this sometimes, but depressed people take it to the extreme. The worst cases play in and out until they cannot eat or sleep, or they are constantly checking on things over and over again.
Now that you have some things to look out for. Pay attention to your family and friends. Most of all, pay attention to yourself. If you have any of the above symptoms or difficulties, not just sometimes as we all go through bad moods and problems, but ALL of the time. Yourself or that person may be depressed.