Fruitful Thursday: Choose

Image And Quote By Ed Lester

Welcome Dawnies to a new day and a new month. I always think about new beginnings when a new month happens upon me. Well, it matters not what I truly think, a new month will always come as long as I am breathing so I must choose. I must choose how I feel.

The last day of the month (yesterday) was full of mental anguish. My depression was on high alert. All I wanted to do was remain in the bed. I was distressed, groggy, troubled, and sluggish. What was I to do? I had to get out of bed because it was the last day of summer break.

The kids needed me. There were errands to run and people to meet. But how could I? “Nothing begets nothingness.” My husband always states. If I had laid in the vast portal of nothingness, well you know what the outcome would have been.

Swinging my heavy legs out of the bed, I twirled until my two feet hit the floor. Before I knew it, my husband had grabbed me to help get me going. I was hoping to feel better by the time I dressed but that hope faded.

Three hours into the school visits and shopping, I realized something. I have more control than I think. I am me. I can choose. Allow the blackness to consume me or take the time I had left to feel better. Even if it was just a little better. I had to try.

First, I began to think of some of my favorite quotes by me. Then, I tried to only see the positive during the rest of my time out. My children and husband were alive. We have a roof over our heads, clothes, and shoes on our feet. We have food and other necessities.

I could get through the day, and I will, was my motto during the rest of my time. I took my time. I read scripture. I laughed with my kids. I effectively communicate with my husband. We had a family lunch and dinner. Though I was still depressed, I decided to choose me!

No matter the amount of medication we take or therapy we attend, we must choose ourselves daily. Will it be easy? Hell no! But never give up on you! Our brains are powerful, it processes what we feed it. Feed it hope, love, creativity, and joy. Always look on the bright side even when the dawn brings no light.

Fight for your peace. Tell yourself, “I am fighting to be me.”

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